So what do you do when someone else’s behaviour gravely affects you? We are all interconnected whether we like it or and how deeply we are affected probably has to do with how much of our interconnectedness overlaps.
Reactions, decisions and actions could be the result of alcoholic drinking, unresolved anger or cognitive changes. Regardless of the cause, the impact that overlaps into our lives affect us. In my early life I had experiences that were extremely painful seemingly due to others. But like many things in life, the silver linings were made of gold and I learned a few things I’d like to pass on.
First of all we need to separate the behaviour from the person. Their choice is not a personal vendetta against you; it’s not the person we disagree with, it’s their choice that hurts.
How we express ourselves ripples out and affected others. When our expressions are healthy life-giving ways they inspire the peaceful emotions like harmony, peace, intimacy, kindness, joy and the like; but when they are at the other end of the spectrum they manifest darker life draining, prickly emotions we want to avoid - anger, sadness, fear, shame, and the like. Thankfully, most generally it’s a mix of both. And it’s our responsibility to speak up. We are not mind readers, though we think we are!
A healthy self-esteem equals good boundaries, a mix of hobbies, and a collection of intimate friends where one can speak safely and freely the truth as they see it; the very tools I spent years honing.
Others may not like my choices and I need to be cognizant of them but ultimately it’s their responsibility to speak up, I’m not a mind reader.
When my brain is engaged in something satisfying it has no room to worry in the background. When I’m doing less engaging activities, they allow my brain to massage my problems, hence I never get away from them and they fester. Balance is an important tool in the toolbox, and I sometimes I have to consciencely buck up my day to maintain that but taking care of myself is taking care of the ones I love.
I can’t change my MS brain leisons or cognitive changes but I can change the ways that I deal with them. In my attitude I can refrain from passing judgement, stop plotting my retribution and look for good where seemingly there is none. And I can’t do that without faith. Occupying my mind with hope makes all the difference, and saves myself much grief and headache. Like an electric bike’s assist, I need God’s help from above or else I’m pretty much sunk to the storms of other people’s poor choices that overlap into my orbit whether it’s slamming cupboards or the silent treatment.
Yet when I choose to stick with hope it’s like building my house on rock where the winds can blow and the storms can rage but I will not be shaken. Regardless of what’s shaking it.