There’s more than one way of healing. And I’ve been confusing it with cure.
As the Dalai Lama put it in one of his books I’ve been reading, ‘A cure involves the resolution of an illness. Healing is coming to wholeness and can happen whether or not the illness is curable.’
In the calm pockets of tragedy, often serious illness, it pushes us to reflect on its meaning and the purpose of our life.
And pushes us deep into our hearts.
Where we have a choice. We can turn left or right. There is real opportunity for emotional healing if we choose to explore it. Or we can avoid it and carry on as best we can.
Exploration is not the slap happy road and most people don’t like pain. They like the left hand turn lane. But what they don’t realize they are affected by their unresolved hurts, anger, and aggravations regardless.
I turned right, and what a journey. With deeper exploration came deeper understanding and personal transformation, conversion if you will.
And be sure you’re set up well if you’re thinking about it. Reading books, having a great support network, and some connection with God are essential in my books.
We have all been hurt, betrayed, and disappointed somewhere along the line. And we have all done the same to others whether we admit it or not. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t.
So in the quiet of my mind on one predawn morning, I asked for complete honesty with myself to see the hurts, the resentments, I carried in my heart. Hurts done to me, hurts that I did to others. And what I could do about them.
Then as the book suggested, I spend some time writing out the feelings that came up. Unfiltered feelings. Whatever rose to the surface I gushed out.
Next I prayed asking what was necessary to get to a place of forgiveness and freedom. Some ideas came to mind. Writing letters, performing some acts of charity, or making a phone call. But I didn’t act hastily. Not all were ready to hear my process. Besides the most powerful healing takes place in the heart.
Ending with a firm commitment to not do it again, I was well on the road to healing. Deep emotionally healing.
Remember desire and prayer were the starting points. Reminds me of a popular acronym. ‘H.O.W. Honesty. Openness. Willingness.’ When I don’t know what to pray for HOW is a good place to start.
And willing I was. I was willing to be transformed, converted if you will, which is risky business itself. You don’t have the game plan. You don’t know the rules. You’re launching into the unknown and get instructions doled out with an eyedropper. Not easy for controllers like me.
But over time my heart softened. I saw things I never saw before. I stood in other people’s shoes. I was growing a heart of flesh. I was healing.
Which ironically enough, had nothing to do with MS, that continues to poke holes in my sail.
But it's ok, I’m getting good at blowing raspberries at it.