Being taught how to fly.
Composing emails with one finger when I could use voice dictate or word suggestion is the same as Elizabeth preferring to carry the heavy boards down the stairs instead of dropping them over the railing. Or me running upstairs for one thing at PACS 40 times a day saying I need the exercise. I would purposely choose the path of more resistance convincing myself of its merits.
The old adage ‘work smarter, not harder’ comes to mind. Elizabeth was great at helping me pack up and worked very hard, but I watched her take on quite a bit more wearing herself out that much faster unnecessarily.
How we spend our own time is one of the great luxuries here in life. We get to ‘choose’ what we spend our time and energy on.
Moving into my new housing arrangement will afford me better choices of how I spend my time and energy. The whole theme to living with MS in fact. I expect there will be a steep learning curve as I’m not accustomed to such radical changes. Like someone cooking and cleaning for me. And I’ll have to allow them to do it ‘their way’.
I won’t get the same payback feelings of satisfaction, independence and pride from doing the things that previously brought me feelings of accomplishment. Like making a delicious meal. Or decorating my place. I was always proud of the way I’d put together a new place. (My mom taught me how to create a home that was not so formal that it was stiff and uncomfortable, nor too old, sloppy and dirty, but was inexpensive, stylish and approachable.)
But this time around things will be different. I don’t have the physical ability to put a place together. I have to depend on others. I had to ask my girlfriends ‘Will you help me jazz it?’ in addition to making it functional and hazard free. And thankfully I’ve been blessed with many that are willing and eager to step in and do just that. Then my job is to let go and let them do it.
And in exchange I will have room for the other interests. I’m excited to develop things I CAN do that will bring me the same satisfaction, pride and joy. And that’s where God comes in. If I’m open and have truly let go of my false sense of security of ‘the way it has always been done’, He will inspire me with new and wonderful ways to fill my time, my heart, and my life.
Like using voice dictate to write this blog on my new iPad rather than one finger type it whigh has already given me a new sense of accomplishment.
’When I let go of all the light I’ve known and have the faith that I’ll either have something solid to stand on or will be taught how to fly, God can work miracles.’
Happy New Year to you all. Wishing you all the very best in 2020.