Sundays at the Spa
Those who know me know I spent most of May in the hospital thanks to MS. It seems there’s a pattern developing that whenever big stressors overload the circuit box I blow a fuse and need to flip the breaker switch.
Apparently I don’t handle tension so well. Each of the three times in the past thirty-two years I tripped has been preceded by a steep stressor. Several at once in this case. The good news was this was NOT the cause of an active MS exacerbation (as the MRI confirmed), but the better news was there is very little change on all the MRIs of the past five years. However one doctor is convinced I would not be dipping over the reality line if I didn’t have MS and have brain lesions period. Because of them, things happen both physically and emotionally that science has not yet figured out. I had what they term ‘psychotic episodes’ - where the reality line gets slightly blurred. This time they kept me there ‘to get to the bottom of it,’ lumping me in with many sad Covid-casualties that have turned to unsavory devices for relief. (It’s astonishing to see who is winding up in our wards and why).
My go-to team was great and brought me everything I needed physically and emotionally. My prayer warriors were in full force, full Victoria force. I’ve never felt so loved, lifted and cared for. Words are woeful and inadequate to express what prayer does. They lifted me beyond anything I could imagine or conceive and held up my arms when I couldn’t and the darkness wanted to rush in. Intercessory prayers on my behalf were a refuge keeping me safe and protected where I often retreated to the quiet while regular hospital logistics took place. I stayed in the quiet as much as I could because I have felt so strengthened. In the end felt like I went up and came down from Mount Transfiguration where everything changed but nothing changed.
So what’s the take away? The big one is Awareness. And Simplicity. Having a smaller capacity for doing-activity and emotional-tension equals new limits which means a simpler life. I’m less likely to overload if I keep a simple life, ‘do’ less and monitor how much emotional charge I’m allowing.
Sound boring? Not in the least. That’s what being Beloved is all about. There’s joy embracing the circumstances you’re given, regardless how unpalatable they seem. My days are filled with writing, painting, and prayer. It’s really quite beautiful. And I keep getting inspired. For instance I began painting first thing, very early in the morning before the day begins, and thoroughly enjoy the new routine. My way of spicing things up within my parameters.
To end this essay on a happy note let me describe the last Sunday there. It was a cool spring this year and this day was sunny though windy. My girlfriend R brought her iPad to watch mass on livestream in the lovely courtyard among the new blooms. We found a sheltered spot nestled in early spring color surrounded by moving water and a stone pathway. It was a terrific service and our hearts were nourished. Feeling refreshed and peaceful we were thankful for the day, the idea.
‘Think of it as Sundays at the Spa,’ R quipped.
And we both had a good laugh.