Valentine’s Day

Well, the honeymoon is starting to fade. And it doesn’t have to.

After reading Jeans ‘Traveling Light’ on page 363 in Manna Gathering, it became crystal clear why.

Moving here to assisted-living I had to pare down my belongings extensively. My social worker and others hammered home the fact that by simplifying life it would free me up to do the things of quality. I interpreted that as being better able to carry out God’s calling on my life. Letting go of physical stuff I still liked or used was difficult as first but felt wonderful soon after. We accumulate so much clutter! And anticiapting serving God less encumbered, I got excited.

But now, after six weeks, the newness is starting to wane. I miss my ’things‘. Where is this ‘quality’ of life’ when surrounded by such heavy physical conditions? All I find are the weeks flying by and I spend a lot of time out. And it took a simple question to slow me down enough to ask why.

Before I left my old address, I made sure I had committed activities to bridge the gap so I wouldn’t be lost when I got here. My feet were just getting grounded in a couple of them anyway. But what I didn’t allow for was new activities. So here I am trying to cram everything in.

I couldn’t figure out why, if God truly called me here and with all this quality time, was I having such a difficult time getting in all that needed to be done? Why was I having more health concerns?

And it took an innocent enough question from Shauna asking ‘what’s so difficult about scheduling?’ to take a deeper look. Then I came across Jean’s reflection of our need to let go of internal possessions as well as the external possessions squirreled away in our thought garages and thought closets. She talks about our heavy, restrictive opinions, ideas, and control that become ‘burdensome, bothersome and uses all our energies’.

So what I was doing with all this time on my hands was not what I was meant to be doing. trying to examine my routines, Redoubling my efforts to supplement their diet with my own understanding. Double my perfection in writing. Rewriting and rewriting the of’s and at’s. The need to know ‘why’ on every health grievance. Not exactly why I was brought here.

I realized I hadn’t let go of my old thinking at all and it was becoming way cumbersome. No wonder there wasn’t enough hours in the day to fit new wine in old wine skins.

There’s a bible verse, ‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galations 5:1 Those words rang out loud and clear. I was again being burdened by slavery of my own ideas.

When God called the disciples, they left everything and followed. Everything. They did not pick up their old yokes, thinking they could help out by our bringing along their good ideas. They trusted and were shown unspeakable everything they needed to know and do. And they were shown unspeakable joy. As Jean wrote, ‘God allows them the honor of participating in his power and grace. All they had to do was be dependent completely on the Lord.’

So with that I realized I needed to get back to my original commitments, stand firm, and trust God. Not run around trying to set the world straight.

I recommitted to started projects and assured myself there would be time enough to take on new activities in the months to come. I consciencly decided someone else preparing meals is a blessing not a difficult job of combing through each side dish looking for trigger foods. I can get off of the MS steering committee.

And already I feel lighter. Like I did when I cleaned out the bedroom closet. Its just a different closet.

No, the honeymoon doesn’t have to end.