• Mona

Indecision and Doubt

Dec 11, 2018

Two of my old friends. I still laugh at a scene in the book two where friends are admiring Rodin’s sculpture The Thinker. One character leans over and snickers to the other, “reminds me of deciding what shoes to wear some days.”

I remember agonizing over the simplest decisions. To the point of paralysis. Or would make a decision just for the sake of making one, only to go back and second-guess myself. Three times. Then stand in line at Customer Service or watch my had-to-have item gather dust or rust in the rain.

Seemed I couldn’t get comfortable with a decision. I doubted myself over dumbest things - like whether to take an umbrella, what color I wanted, what to order.

Then I heard someone say about decision-making, not to fret. If I made a bad decision, I could always make another decision. Keep it simple. That idea opened valve, took some pressure off. It helped me realize it was the wavering, not the decision itself, that was the real danger. The unstable ground, the sand that character was built on.

Let your yes be yes and your no be no. I got a lot of mileage from that statement, it gave me permission to make a decision — good or bad because as Mr. Simple said, I could always make another decision. So in a way, it set a bar. Moved me. Jarred the paralysis.

At first, like a flag girl flipping her sign, I had to go slow but I was moving. Then the bar moved higher as I began making better decisions and building confidence. Over time I changed from an emotional wreck billowing in the wind to being firm and stable.

Now in hindsight I wonder why I took things so serious after all. Or did I?

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