• Mona

Over the Top

Updated: Jan 3, 2019


Dec 17, 2018

I, myself, often opened the door to my own unhappiness. Thinking of course it was the opposite: the door to my happiness.


Once I realized I was going down the wrong road, my mental engines would fire up and I’d slam into overdrive to fix it. Afterall, it was me who got me into it, so it was up to me to remedy it. Wasn’t it? My life was a series of judgment errors and over correction. A pinball machine.

I liked the fast-paced, exciting, spontaneous, adrenaline-rush peaks and valleys of life. They made me feel alive, like I was really living. Like driving a standard transmission, feeling involved with what’s happening under the hood. It was only when I found myself in the same restless boat time and again that I realized those dramatic hairpins were probably not from God at all (but convince my pride of that).


I thought moving or changing direction for something better was a good thing. Kept me fresh. Renewed. But ultimately it always proved to be messy - not God’s best. And would take much more work to unravel than it took to set up.


I would get a thought in my head and incubate it until I’d feverishly search out an opportunity until I ‘miraculously’ found one. Then the excitement, ambition, and drive would take over. And once the adrenaline was in full swing, nothing could break through. I myself drown out the quiet small voice we all have. Little did I know, it was at those moments I strayed from God’s destiny for my life, His plan for my highest good and my highest happiness.

It wasn’t until I had to unravel enough of those tilted pinball games, did I pray. And I’d catch a little more each time. I started becoming teachable, learning bout Him and His nature. That He is gentle and kind, tender and calm. I started paying closer attention to that quiet voice. The narrow, unpopular path. The one I always thought I’d die of boredom on. But when I actually started following it I was rewarded by a deep sense of peace, a knowing of being on the right path and a surprisingly strong desire to stay on it.


But how could I be sure it was really Him? It not like receiving a registered letter. I wasn’t even really sure I believed. But someone said to read His signs. That only I could know. Follow the open doors. Keep the closed ones closed. God is leading. To still waters where I’ll thirst no more. I need only to be still, recognize Him, and follow. He tells us His sheep will know His voice.


That is, if I’m not too busy gulping down good cheer with plans of my own.

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