Having MS has forced me to the brink of trust in God. No one was more surprised than me that seeds of peace and even joy could germinate in such an environment. I discovered the secret was in the fertile soil of a good attitude, something I needed God’s help with.
Given my health situation my attitude has been up and down. But isn’t that just like God when he’s developing our character. Pushes us to our very limit until we think we going to break. But then whisk in with some new revelation, shine some light on some aspect of ourselves that makes total sense. Some character defect we never noticed before.
But seeing it is just half the battle. We can’t correct something unless we know what it is. How can a mechanic fix the car unless he knows what’s wrong with it? We know the symptom is stalling out, or sputtering but until we get to the source we can’t address it permanently. Or in God’s case allow Him to correct us.
Take my current poor health condition. How does one exactly get out of oneself yet refine their character? How much can I pin on MS? And how much is just poor character? Rarely is there just one log in the fire. In fact, one log will burn out if it doesn’t have others to burn against. Its easy to point fingers at the broad MS umbrella, but it turns out it is much more complex than that. The accumulation of rocks in my bag helped create a prime environment for poor decisions.
So thank goodness for daily quiet time of reflection. An opportunity to flesh out those poor decisions, those rocks and come clean with them. Otherwise they become heavier and heavier, boulders if gone long enough. But that is where God comes in. He is so forgiving, even boulders he crushes. I didn’t know he could be so personal or cared. But He is.
There’s little I can do about MS, or yesterday for that matter but there is something I can do about my attitude, actions, and responses today. To be willing to let go of the well nursed lies I carry around. And with fewer rocks in my bag, I’ll have room for that deep sense of freedom, peace & joy, regardless of what I’m facing. Then I know I’m on the right path.