June 1, 2019
I was overwhelmed by the new MRI that indicated progressed MS. My imagination ran amuck with despair and declined function. The more I focussed on it, the more I slid, the scarier it got. The doctors were matter-of-fact, un-ruffled. I panicked. I was simply overwhelmed at the changes taking place in my body.
Being most desperate, the only thing I could do was to stay in the very moment. Move to the solution. Contemplate God. Think of all the blessings and deliverance He proved to me time and again.
That’s what faith is. I’m so glad I have faith. A foot in the future and one in the past creates so many unwarranted overwhelming fears. Being completely absorbed in the problem, we forget all about God.
In addition to increased impairment, I had to give up driving. That was a game changer. So between the disease and not driving, I became a receiver overnight. Usually I was the giver and being on the other end felt doubly odd. But regardless of being a giver or taker it was always about me, and that had to change.
But with decreased function and needing so much, I couldn’t think of how to give back. That was the clincher. But then I got the idea I could pray for people. I could pick scriptures I thought would be appropriate. For my secular friends, I looked for a need then tried to fill it. I made a birthday cake and decorated it with liquorice whips for a cake-less friend. I sent some cards to others and well wishes to some. I called a recent widow and marked monthly calls on the calendar.
I filled myself up the best I could using my time and tried not to dwell on the MRI or the empty driveway. I went back to my drawing books, bought some new painting supplies and actually used them. I broke down my day into compartments of mental, social, spiritual, and physical, spending time in each category.
And low and behold things began to shift. I slept better. I functioned better. God didn’t forsake me. It was true like it says in Matthew 11:28 ‘Come to me all who are weary and overburdened, and I will give you rest.’ I was beginning to feel rested.
It goes on to say ‘Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’
And after last night’s good sleep, I think I’ll try His yoke upon me and learn of Him because easy and light are all I can handle right now.
And funny enough, that big ol’ MRI doesn’t seem so scary today